I’m Over All That Read online

  I get very depressed over the way things are going in the world today. If I feel I am experiencing too painful a transition when my time comes, I will make my decision then as to what I will do . . . how I will go. Maybe I’ll even get some help from those I know I will meet on the other side.

  I Can’t Remember if I’m Over Memory Loss

  I have given up being concerned about my short-term memory loss. I never remember where I put my car keys, and then when I finally find them I can’t remember what they’re for!

  I have decided that what I can’t remember is still in there somewhere and can be retrieved in time if I give up trying. Perhaps what I can’t remember is not all that important anyway. What’s in a name? What’s in the memory of an event that didn’t mean all that much? Perhaps memory loss happens in order that we live more in the Now.

  I have come to be more relaxed with my memory loss because I feel I’ve gained more of the totality of Now. I wouldn’t like to have amnesia, but perhaps my brain doesn’t want to be filled with facts and figures that have nothing to do with what lies ahead.

  I’m learning more to let go and let God, as they say. I do write down schedules and appointments and I’m training myself to always put my car keys in the same place. Anyway, the secret to happiness is good health and a bad memory.

  Never Get Over a Dog—Get Another One

  I have never known friendship and companionship like Terry. I know I’ve known her before, in Egypt, I think, when she was an Annubis, a God of the Netherworld. She looks just like an Annubis.

  Perhaps I am bonded so closely to her because we are together every moment of the day and night. We travel in cars and airplanes together; she has her own seat. When I’m working, she is in my trailer waiting for me in between set-ups. She knows me better than any other living being and vice versa. She knows what I am thinking at all times and vice versa.

  Sometimes she will sit by the door wanting to go out in a room far away, and I feel it. Her want is my command. She knows it, too. But she never abuses her power over me. We sleep cuddled up together every night. It’s a good thing that I don’t have a man in my life.

  The spiritual bond is awe-inspiring. She’s beginning to get white whiskers now, and she is eleven years old. Already I’m rearranging where we will sleep in the house so she won’t have to negotiate the stairs. I want to get another brother or sister for her so I will have a reminder when she finally decides to go. But she won’t let me. All I have to do is think about another dog and she won’t speak to me.

  Last Halloween I was speaking to the woman who runs the animal shelter here in Santa Fe. I wanted to come by and look at a possible little Chihuahua for Terry. I could feel Terry listening to the conversation. We were in a store in the mall. Children and trick-and-treaters, ghosts and goblins, popping sounds, candy and chaos abounded as I was talking to my friend about a sister or brother for Terry. I looked away, then back again to Terry. She had jumped from her chair where she always sits and disappeared. I dropped everything and waded into the sea of Halloween trick-or-treaters. Terry was gone—nowhere to be seen. The word went out that “Shirley’s Terry has run away.”

  Someone called the shop I was in. “She was here,” they said, “but we put her outside.” I was a frantic person. Would someone in the crowd step on her? Would she get hit by a car? I ran around like a crazy woman for fifteen minutes, trying to calm myself by remembering that she had a chip and a phone number on her collar. Then the woman from the animal shelter called for me over the crowd. She was holding Terry in her arms. It was as though Terry told her to tell me she didn’t want anyone else, and why didn’t I understand that. She knew exactly what she had done. Now I knew what I should do—nothing!

  So, for now we have each other, for another few years, I am sure.

  I’ve often wondered how I would put up with her possessiveness if she were a man. But that’s the point. I’d rather have a good, funny, loyal dog than a man. It’s taken me a few senior years to come to that conclusion and I’m happier for it. The depth of our connection and love is unmatched. We take turns as to who is in charge; she is easy to cook for; she doesn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs; and she doesn’t suffer from any kind of macho deficiencies.

  We like the same sleeping conditions (cool with the window open) and enjoy the same movies before sleep, although being a rat terrier, her favorite film is Stuart Little. She’s seen it many times. We like to watch nature documentaries where the animals run around happily, and she gets her indoor exercise jumping up to the television set. We take a long hike together every day. We have a bear who watches us sometimes, but Terry knows it and maintains her 26-pound superiority to such an extent that the bear just leaves us alone.

  Terry knows when there is someone coming or at the door long before I do and is much happier to see them than I am. I fight against being a recluse, but she makes it extremely attractive.

  She is the love of my life and any other in the near future. We have an agreement that she will come back immediately after she leaves. I trust that and my love for her brings me to tears because she has made me know, understand, and love myself more. She has made it possible for me to know that I am capable of unconditional love. I never knew that before.

  That’s what dogs are for: unconditional love. They live on a level of spirit that we humans would like to achieve. They are without guile and are clever in how they show us the truth. They know we are a little backward in our understanding of what’s really important and will be patient with our slow learning and our impatient and dictatorial orders up to a point. But when a dog sits down and refuses to budge, we know we should look at ourselves. It’s that simple.

  The secrets of the universe are in a dog’s eyes. Their eyes convey the patient wisdom of a collective understanding. That’s why everybody should have one.

  I Wonder If I Will Be Over the Drama of 2012

  I have spent a great deal of time and energy studying what has been written about 2012 by the experts who have dedicated their lives to the mysteries of the Mayan calendar and the scientists who have made life studies of the movements of the planets in time. As the 2012 date approaches, there will be much speculation as to whether the world will come to an end or another Y2K fizzle will occur.

  This is what I’ve learned.

  For the first time in 26,000 years our solar system will be in direct alignment with the center of our galaxy. The distance between our planet and center of the galaxy will be approximately 26,000 light years. The average life span of the human is 26,000 days. From the perspective of sacred and celestial science, these facts are shadows of a more galactic harmony. These are not presumptions of the Mayan calendar. These are facts supported by those who study the heavens.

  On December 21, 2012, the precession of the equinoxes will end and a new precession will begin. The great cycle began in August 3014 BCE, the approximate time of the first Egyptian hieroglyphics. The great cycle will end on December 21, 2012, when our sun will move into direct alignment with the equator of the Milky Way galaxy. Science acknowledges that this galactic alignment will occur and that the Mayan calendar marks the event.

  The question is: What will it mean? Will it mean a polar shift as some have predicted and have written—that the sun will rise in the south and set in the north? Some computers predict that a magnetic pole reversal could bring about the end of civilization, and worse, that the Earth would be left with no magnetic field at all. We don’t know what happened 26,000 years ago when this alignment last happened.

  The Mayan people and their culture came suddenly and left suddenly, after three hundred years. Some call them the surfers of the universe. When they left their calendar, what were they trying to tell us?

  Magnetic reversals have happened, according to science, 171 times in the last 76 million years, with at least 14 of the reversals occurring in the last 4.5 million years alone. Some mainstream scientists suggest we are overdue for a polar shift. Some say we are in the e
arly stages of just such a reversal, which explains our erratic weather patterns, the short circuitry of our consciousness, and the weakening of the planet’s magnetic field.

  In July 2004 The New York Times dedicated its Science section to describing what a magnetic reversal is. “The collapse of the Earth’s magnetic field, which both guards the planet and guides many of its creatures, appears to have started in earnest about 150 years ago.” Many scientists believe this is true. They feel that the more it weakens, the faster it weakens. Thus an abrupt climate change accompanies the weakening. We recall the woolly mammoths believed to have been caught in a polar reversal during the last ice age, frozen in midstride with their latest meals still in their mouths—proof that climate change happens very fast with pole reversal when the magnetic field weakens.

  We know the sun is going through a magnetic shift now. The Earth appears to be in the early stages of a polar reversal. So what does this mean?

  Our brains detect magnetic changes because our brains contain millions of tiny magnetic particles. These particles connect us to the Earth’s magnetic field in a powerful and intimate way which affects our consciousness profoundly. Our nervous systems are affected, our immune systems, and even our perceptions of reality. Our dreams, our thoughts, our emotions, and our understanding of time and space are thrown out of balance when the magnetic field is weaker.

  We could say, though, that out of balance could also mean an expanded reality. The Earth’s magnetics play an important role in how our consciousness functions. It is happening to me every day, every hour. I move from one room to another to tend to something and I find that I’ve already done it. In other words, my perceptions of time are askew. I’m living in the past and the future simultaneously.

  Many of my friends tell me the same thing. It’s not just short-term memory confusion. It’s bigger than that. It’s a new perception of reality.

  If the magnetic fields on Earth are a kind of magnetic glue which designates our reality, when that glue shifts it throws off our perception of what is real. At first I thought it was just ageing. But some of my young friends in their twenties and thirties are experiencing the same thing.

  Using magnetic glue as the visual model, it seems that the stronger the magnetic glue, the more our consciousness is tied to traditional behavior, old mores and existing beliefs. In places where the magnetic glue is weaker, the more our consciousness longs for change.

  We know there are places in the world where the magnetic fields are stronger and weaker. They can be measured. For example, the places on our planet that have the lowest magnetic intensity are under the Suez Canal and into Israel. Hence, change is occurring every day in an attempt to evolve to new understandings. In other parts of the Middle East there are conflicting magnetic fields, which also reflect the struggle between old, traditional ways and the compulsion for change.

  Another low magnetic field runs parallel to the west coast of America. Hence, change happens in human consciousness more swiftly. Stretching from Southern California to northern Washington is a low magnetic field, thus innovative ideas in science, technology, fashion, music, art, and films occur. In central Russia are some of the strongest magnetic fields. The people there tend to cling to tradition and change comes slowly.

  Even without “scientific” evidence, we know intuitively that we are affected by the magnetic forces of the planets: astrology, the full moon, etc. I know artists who can be creative only with a full moon.

  Our consciousnesses directly affect whatever happens in our world. The retarded consciousness of one powerful leader can take the world into war. Our beliefs affect our consciousness and our consciousness affects our reality. So we change our reality simply by how we observe it. “The greater amount of observing, the greater amount of influence.” So “how” we observe creates the reality of the future.

  In this way quantum physics and 2012 come together. What we believe will happen will be the reality, accompanied by the magnetic influence of the alignment itself. And, if we want to see our reality changed positively, we have to change how we see ourselves positively.

  For me, the 2012 end date represents a cosmic choice we each must make. The power for positive change will be there, but also the power will be so strong that if we don’t see ourselves and our future positively we will be bypassed. I don’t believe it is the end of the world even for those who will choose to remain negative, materialistic, and cynical. They will simply become irrelevant. For those who see a new beginning, it will be a cosmic charge of light coming from the alignment itself. Of course our new reality will be an adjustment because it won’t include war, depletion of resources, genocide, technological abuse, anger, guilt, or hatred. In fact our adjustment will be that we won’t have anything to be against! What a concept! What a cosmic shift! We will then dwell more in the inner reality of our identity which I believe we will find enlightening, and as a result our outer reality will shift.

  So are we headed toward a catastrophe that has indeed occurred in the ancient past, or are we going to create a New Jerusalem with the magnetics of the 2012 alignment? Whatever occurred in the past didn’t include the presence of 6½ billion people. At least not so far as I have read. So I wonder if the positive energy of 6½ billion people wouldn’t raise the electromagnetic energy of the entire planet for thousands of years of peace.

  Was that why the Mayans left the calendar that ends on December 21, 2012?

  When I traveled to Mayan country (Yucatán peninsula, Guatemala, Honduras, and Belize), I asked the present-day Mayans about their ancestors. They said they came suddenly with an advanced technology and left suddenly, abandoning their greatest cities during the ninth century AD. The most valuable and sophisticated object they left behind was a calendar which calculated cosmic cycles and time. The calendar tracked galactic time and movements of the stars. In addition to that, the calendar tracks the celestial alignment of the Earth’s solar system, our sun, and our Earth in relation to the center of our galaxy—an event that will not happen again for another 26,000 years.

  I found these facts to be disturbing, intriguing, and certainly worthy of taking seriously where human behavior and consciousness are concerned. When I questioned the Mayan descendants about their ancestors, they said things like, “Our ancestors were timekeepers who one day left their temples and pyramids and walked into the jungle and vanished, returning to the place where they came from.” They told me, “They knew something important in their time which we are just beginning to learn in ours.” They didn’t know what “the end of time” meant; that was the part of the ancestors’ wisdom that wasn’t left. Whenever I asked whether the Mayan wisdom was based on the need for us to know our true selves better, they didn’t know what I was talking about. They only knew that everything was moving too fast for them.

  In my conversations with Stephen Hawking, he said that the speed with which our computers are performing will soon surpass the capacity of the human brain. The computers will become ultra-intelligent thinking machines capable of much more than our brains are capable of. He questioned whether humans would then be obsolete and machines would then be the vanguard of evolution. Would humanity then have reached the end of its evolutionary journey?

  I loved my talks with Hawking. We met because at one point we had the same editor in our literary lives. When he came to America I hosted a few parties for him. And when I visited him at Cambridge outside of London, he told me he could quite possibly be the reincarnation of Isaac Newton. He was born on the same date that Newton died, a hundred years later or so and, of course, he holds the Isaac Newton Chair at Cambridge. On the walls of his office at Cambridge, side by side, hung pictures of Albert Einstein and Marilyn Monroe. “Each,” he said, “had beautiful curves pertaining to the universe.”

  It was moving for me to watch him fall in love with his nurse, divorce his wife Jane, and go through the soap opera of his life while he was confined to his wheelchair and could barely move at all. He moved aroun
d the streets of Cambridge in his wheelchair at speeds more akin to the Indianapolis 500 and laughed all the way.

  We talked about the difference between information and intelligence. At the rate of speed of the information age, the growth rate of human knowledge will be reaching its own maximum. But knowledge is not the goal—wisdom is. Wisdom determines how the knowledge is used.

  I’m glad to see his Into the Universe with Stephen Hawking is questioning extraterrestrial presence. He says his mathematical brain says there must be extraterrestrial intelligence out there. He just hopes they come in peace. And he speculates they might already be here.

  Hawking didn’t say we are a half-awake species. I am saying it. We go about our lives, our work, our shopping, our raising of children, in half-trance. We don’t know what to do about the speed of life and information that we can’t keep up with. We don’t even know we can’t keep up. We just feel it. More and more of us are asking “Who am I?” “Why am I here?” “What did I come for?” “What can I do about anything?” We derive our identity by the knowledge of our name, our job, our social security number, our address, our gender, our political and religious beliefs, our education, and our social status. But who are we really?

  We are half-awake as to who we are, who we aren’t, and even what our needs would be if they could be fulfilled.

  I believe what we are facing in the world is a crisis of an enlightened identity. What are the roots of our human greed, our fear, our need to control weather, our capacity for abuse, our desecration of the planet and ourselves? We have sophisticated information-gathering skills and no notion how to use those skills for our happiness.